FinDom is a very popular trend in the glbt community, and is often shielding itself under the umbrella of sex work to avoid confronting one simple truth: it’s about the normalization of internalized homophobia, and is damaging BDSM heavily by stripping it of all the relationship based aspects, and exchanging human power, with amazon wishlists.
Why Online FinDom has no space in real BDSM
As explained in our article on why FinDom is a scam and how is it getting away with it, FinDom isn’t truly a fetish. Financial Domination is about the weaponization of a fetish, to fulfill individualistic and narcissistic tendencies and behavioral patterns.
Pretty much in the same way on how the woke culture is saturating the GLBT community with non GLBT people who just want a reason to pick on fights online, while always being shielded by “being part of a minority“, FinDom shows the same opportunistic and parasite-like behavior with BDSM.
Abusers mistreating strangers online, with the only goal to get money for themselves and no integrity, relationship or respect for the partner, don’t fall into SSC BDSM, and is therefor a dangerous dynamic often based on compulsive self-harm behaviors on today’s submissives, who are often deeply depressed, demotivated and lonely.
FinDom festers in this environment, leveraging the coping mechanisms of lonely and depressed people, and there’s nothing “Dominant” about that. This is simply normalized abuse. Too bad this modern, and “better” GLBT community seems to have no problems with this.
the most alarming thing, is that most of these "masters" are clearly underage kids. Something else the woke community has no problems with.
there's clearly no interest in BDSM, as it doesn't matter "who is he draining tonight". It's just a scam where kids get paid to insult subs.
it's openly a scam, it's openly about abuse, it's openly about tearing down the sub instead of building him up.
How Financial Domination damages the submissive
Not all submissives are fragile people, but all people have their own fragilities inside of them; being a submissive in a world that is letting go more and more on true, intense sensations of belonging, growth and cultivation of a relationship, is quite hard. You have the feeling that you’ll never find the Master you want to love and serve forever, as nobody seems to be serious and committed about it. The risk of getting hurt is huge. Also, modern gay community is so toxicity obsessed by fashions, looks and trends, that in order to be considered as a sub you get the feeling that you have to be young, ripped, hung, and god knows how many other checkboxes. A deep solitude grows inside of committed subs looking for a real Master.
If you are gifted Empathy, you should understand that when you’re presented with a web environment which keeps shouting at you
- “pay me, worthless pig”,
- “serve superiors, let them drain your wallet”,
- “if you can’t pay me, you’re useless and of no service”
this has an important impact on your emotions.
How would you feel if you message Sirs and they never respond to you or even acknowledge you, unless you offer them some money? A reinforcement of the trauma of feeling that as a submissive, your life is pointless or incomplete, as you can’t be of service to anyone. This is the kind of brainwashing that this FinDom is doing on many subs who are vulnerable to this kind of message.
Is this the kind of BDSM would we want to create? This is not what we want to support, for sure. Slaves and subs have rights, and a real Master should act with integrity and responsibility.
How Financial Domination damages Dominants
Because of this behavior, and the fact these people show their lack of skills or culture on how to handles a sub (see the picture here after), the general image of who a Master is in BDSM is of the guy who gets paid, insults you, beats you up, and then when it’s all over you are of no interest. Until it’s moment of being “taxed” again.
In most of cases, there is not even a physical relationship (which from some points of view is a good thing, in this case).
This is the level of empathy, responsibility and lack of skills of these “cash masters”. Notice the cane strokes across the spine. Despicable and irresponsible.
Being a Master is much more than being a Dominant, and is also much more than just being a SIR. And it’s not more in the sense of “better”, it’s more in the sense of commitment, responsibility, and integrity. That’s why as a Master I would never take money from FinDom, even if I need it badly.
That’s because I have chosen this duty, and my mission is to inspire integrity and strictness in men, both through my training and my words/actions. I prefer to get paid for a service that I’m offering, as an adult movies producer or as a BDSM Coach, where nobody is treated with less respect, and it’s clear that my client is buying himself an experience, where there is no manipulation of his identity as person.
Is Financial Domination involved in BDSM or Leather?
Financial Domination is one of the activities or fetishes involved in long lasting relationships between a Dominant and a submissive, when it’s done with ethics and in consensual and respectful way.
For what we see everyday online, today the FinDom scene, like every serious and also dangerous practice requiring caution, respect and integrity, is mostly a deceiving and abusive environment filled with improvised impostors, pretending to be someone they’re not, getting off on managing to convince submissives to pay them out, putting leverage on the true submissive need to please another person.
FinDom is involved with BDSM, but it has nothing to do with our Leather Culture; as the reader knows, we take Leather extremely seriously as a lifestyle based on integrity and power exchange, refusing with strength the byproducts of modern culture where the power of soul, emotion and trust is substituted with cheap quick alternatives such as money. But we understand other people might think differently.
Ethical FinDom exists, and Ethical Dominants who are into it, in our opinion, should raise their voice in outcasting these impostors from the scene, instead of acting like victims when considerate and worried BDSM peers voice their disgust on the bend that this scene is taking. As, otherwise, the immediate assumption that comes from this behavior, is to think that they see no difference between what they do and what is being done in the public environment of social media.
What do you think about the situation with FinDom? Have you ever felt mistreated, abused and depressed as a consequence of being exposed to all of this? Let us know in the comments.
That was very well said. I wholeheartedly agree with MASTER LUPUS’s thesis. Furthermore, I am glad to read that there is space for ethical financial domination. Finance is a complex power dynamic, and there is space for bilateral caring demonstrated through the use of capital. That has nothing to do with kids trying to make a buck by putting pictures of their feet online. Thanks to MASTER LUPUS for publishing this helpful information.
Thank YOU SIR OBJECTIFIER for YOUR comment. Always love to have YOU back here.
LUPUS
Bravo for speaking a truth few are game to articulate. FinDom has been a blight on our fetish works and has allowed in a group of immature nobodies, with neither experience nor any standing in the community.
Hello Dominic, thanks a lot for the comment.
Let’s all stand up against bullshit like this; youngsters and newcomers shouldn’t learn that this is normal, and is up to us not to normalize it.
Strong hugs
Lupus
I find it always much more efficient and satisfying in the long run to put my real life slaves through some real life service in form of free or token paid labour (like food, a place to sleep and 1 Euro for a week of gardening, land clearance, or household work, plus domination while in chastity) then to sell silly phantasmagoria of “findom” jerk-off aid.
Not that it happens monthly, let alone more often. It requires logistics and planning and is usally done once, at most twice, a year in summer with a group of 3-4 slaves who come from various countries. Once I had 3 groups ie slaves coming thrice in the same year (groups of twice 3 and once 4) and that was exceptional in my experience.
And it is “findom” in a way that satisfies the slaves needs, ie unpaid labour in lieu of outright cash. In the end, they do get a week of what they need and I cut cost on landscape architecture and house maintenance. Works for me.
Makes a lot of sense, Serbian-Canadian Writer of Macau,
Here you are talking about real relationships, that happen in the real world, where they know you, and their service is directed by exactly what you said: “them getting what they need”;
What happens with the online findom phenomenon is that guys who have very little interest, or experience in BDMS, and absolutely zero care or interest about the people they call “subs”, play the card of faked Domination with the only purpose to get money. To them, it’s the equivalent to an onlyfans smut account.
And yet, BDSM is not that. What happens to our society is exactly this: a complete wipeout of the diversification and variety that makes life beautiful and deep, and a horizontalization where there is no love, no care, no humanity, no connection, no presence, and there is the worship of only one thing: money.
So yeah, ethical FinDom exists as I’ve written, and your own conscience is the only judge when it comes to evaluating if you’re doing SSC BDSM; but the online jerks that ruin the experience of BDSM, turning it in a cheap online game with no depth nor connection, that’s just shit.
All the best
Lupus
This is a great article and articulates something thats been troubling me ever since I learned about it…
I’m as kinky and twisted as anybody but… I worry about the psychological well-being of my fellow gay men.. and so often this seems to cross a line that feels too dangerous.. . Especially to somebody that may already be vulnerable and at risk..
Thank you for your comment Kyle.
Yes, we should always look out to the safety and wellbeing of our fellow men; risks are behind every corner in BDSM and kink.
And yet, this goes beyond; when it’s about money, it’s truly not about connection, nor BDSM or kink. It’s an exploitation of something that is supposed to be powerful and meaningful, to buy another pair of sneakers.