In this article we talk about Financial Domination (FinDom) in the kinky scene and why it has to be approached with extreme caution, and nowadays, in most cases is best left alone.
What is FinDom or Financial Domination in BDSM?
FinDom is a short name for Financial Domination.
In Financial Domination, the Dominant part of the dynamic takes financially control of the submissive; this can be fetishized in different ways, from a dynamic where the Dominant (with a pre existing agreement) surprises the submissive by withdrawing funds from his account with no notice, to dynamics where the submissive makes lots of gifts and presents to the Dominant, to even safer scenarios where the Master takes the financial decisions that the submissive intends to proceed with, lifting the sub from the uncomfortable feeling of being in charge of something, or having authority.
Clearly, this kind of fetish is very delicate and requires a strong pre-existing relationship made of deep trust and mutual commitment.
Stating right away that in our Leatherfamily we do not practice FinDom, nor we advise it, it is a practice that exists and its important to talk about it, as in a “kink community” driven more and more by commerce and global pop culture concept where money substitute power, FinDom is spreading online like a disease, perpetrated by youngsters and adults who have nothing to do with BDSM, care of each other, love, respect or integrity. Every fetish has the right to live, but not when it’s used as camouflage for the normalization of abuse.
What does it take to practice Ethical FinDom
We’re not concerned about consenting adults who in a relationship decide what’s best for them; we are alarmed because FinDom is a trend that ridicules the meaningful concept of being a Master, being a BDSM person, and being a Dominant.
As every high-risk activity between consenting adults, Financial Domination can be healthy and very powerful when supported by two main pillars:
- a Long Term Relationship based on rock solid trust
- the Integrity of the parties involved.
As said, if as part of a grounded relationship between a Master and a sub, FinDom as any other practice is ok; everyone should be free to live their fetish the way they want. We don’t like it, as it’s too easy to slip and fall, because money is a powerful monster also against the strongest of Masters.
The problem is that, like everything in Leather and BDSM, this practice has been taken by the general pop community, stripped away from any meaning and responsibility, and just used to pursue a personal agenda with no respect nor consideration for the submissives, by improvised “doms” who play a role in order to make the most money out of the illusion they provide to the masses.
Screen grabs from twitter
No. The simple truth is that you should get a job, and grow a pair of balls.
The difference between Financial Domination and Sex Work
While Sex Work is the practice between two consenting adults of having a financial transaction aimed to buy a service of adult entertainment, Financial Domination is one of those Domination and submission practices that should only be done by those individual that find it enriching and sustainable, within a relationship based on deep trust and care of the submissive.
To create a Relationship of this kind, you need to work on it for months and years; this isn’t something achievable by anybody on an online chat or social media in 5 minutes.
Anyone can understand this; that’s why we are puzzled when FinDoms get upset at our concerns; we think they should be the first to defend their practice by pointing out the problem of those who are abusing it. Yet, it doesn’t happen.
Combine this notion of needed trust and commitment between the two parties, and put it next to the profile headers of these self-proclaimed “masters”, and you’ll get the full picture on what FinDom is truly about, today.
“Cash Masters” have no interest in the person they interact with, it’s not something special and crafted in a relationship. As a sub, you don’t even exist as person; their amazon wishlist is there, with their paypal or Venmo link. This is all that Financial Domination is about nowadays, online. A cheap substitute for sex work, appropriating on the powerful aspects of Domination and submission, where money is payed, no service is provided, and people are treated with little to no respect.
This brings us to the crucial part of the matter, which is how the general gay pop scene has absorbed all sorts of complex subcultures, uniforming them to something absolutely sterile and at service of individualism and narcissism only, with no bases of mutual respect, love and care nor commitment.
FinDom is not advertised as sex work; they are seeking "submissive boys"
A faceless 34 "verified" (???) guy who wants to buy amazon stuff. Is this what worship is about?
The demonstration of the thesis: it's about abuse, and loss of dignity. This is NOT BDSM. This is normalized abuse.
FinDom is the ugly face of internalized and normalized homophobia within the community
Ethical Financial Domination
Normally, if you try to take this public position to protect submissives from the emotional trap that these kids and gents provide, you’ll get assaulted, with no surprise, by these “cash masters”, who will come and tell you you have no right to discredit their fetish. They’ll tell you “you know nothing of Financial Domination”, and that it is a very ethical thing when a good Master is doing it.
While of course we agree that any practice that a Master does with his sub is his own business and that for sure everything can always be kept safe, this is a simple move to generalize the matter and pretending not to understand the point here. What we are discrediting and standing against is not the controlled and mature activity between two cosenting adults in a dedicated relationship.
If it was sex work, and it was declared as a service and nobody was mistreated weaponizing their identity and sexuality, we would have nothing to say about this. But when the terms “Master and slave” are involved, and submissives are told “you are born to serve and the only way you can be of any use in this life is through financial worship”, then no. This is abuse of a deep need of a submissive to be of only use of a Dominant, without caring at all for the sub. This is what happens in 90% of the cases, especially online, and this is not ethical FinDom. This is the normalized abuse that the community accepts, steaming the normalization of internalized homophobia. It’s too bad big personalities spend so much time online condemning Old Guard for existing, and claiming that the community today is a happy and safe place without the need of the strict rigidity of the traditional leather values.
Ethical FinDom exists in the boundaries of consent between people who have a tailored relationship; but even then, where is it really the buffer between consent and brainwash? We will leave this up to you in the comments field. If you want to do FinDom, and you know you have the Ethics and moral compass to do it safely, do it. With your sub. Not by putting your amazon wishlist on twitter and dirtying the name of “Masters” with your lack of structure, dedication and integrity.
Another face of abuse is conveying to the community the idea that a sub is worthless unless it has money to pay for attention.
This is not power. Power is not about money, between men. Power is about authority, respect and wisdom. FinDom, is just a teenage scam.
The modern trend of “cash masters”
We stand against the systemic operation of pretending to be a Master, while these people are simply abusers, generally not even BDSM people, guys with absolutely zero experience or interest in handling a sub or building up anything. They heard there’s an easy and fun way to get cash by showing feet online, pretending to be straight, and treating everybody like shit. And of course, they’re doing it.
So, nowadays you find the web, and especially twitter, filled with kids and gents acting like thugs, treating everybody with no respect, and embarrassing the entire BDSM community with their lack of knowledge and their abusive manners. This is the result of a society and culture who is passing to young generations the concept that there is nothing to believe in, no values, no ideals, no hope for any future to build, but the cold and lifeless power of money and stepping on others to reach an advanced position. In fact, subs are not worthless. Cashmasters are, and they know it. That’s why they need to make the sub feel worthless; that makes them feel like they are something.
If you’re doing Financial Domination ethically, you know we’re right, and that the scene needs to be educated, and these frauds to be stopped. We should all not encourage any trend in which any BDSM practice is used lightly by incompetent, improvised people.
None of these people using social media as a cheap way to grow money, give anything back to those who pay them but reinforcing their trauma, and their embedded idea that there is nothing worthy about them, and that they can be considered only when sacrificing their money.
Why do we publicly stand against FinDom? The despicable lie of online Financial Domination
While we believe that everyone should be free to do whatever they want, there is always a limit which has to be preserved. That limit is the following: you’re free to do whatever you like and be whoever you like, as long as you’re not directly harming other people with your behavior. And this is exactly what Online FinDom is doing.
And actually, not only the submissives are being hurt and harmed: the whole BDSM community and the reputation of Masters is being harmed by these selfish people. Real BDSM people have to stand against FinDom, because at stake there’s the future of our hard fought-for community.
FAQs
What is FinDom today?
FinDom is a modern phenomen where people play the role of an aggressive and careless abuser, telling submissive people that they are worth nothing if not sending them money, for no reason. There's no better way to put it. It takes the name from Financial Domination, which is a delicate and controversial practice in D/s relationships between consenting adults.
Is Financial Domination safe?
No, just like all BDSM, Financial Domination online with strangers is not safe. These people won't consider you as a human being, nor do they care about you. These two concepts are 100% against the founding pillars separating consensual BDSM (SSC) from abuse and violence.
How to quit Financial Domination addiction?
First of all, it's a great idea. Secondly, it will require work, and you'll make it! Reach out to a healthcare professional or a BDSM Coach, and start figuring out in the first place why you have this addiction; what does it mean to you? Why have you decided it's unhealthy for you? Don't be afraid of opening up completely with your therapist or coach, and when you have learned enough about yourself, take the needed action. There's also a good read on Vice on this topic.
Is FinDom Sexwork?
No, it isn't. A sex worker provides a service and invests in their business to provide pleasure and entertainment. Cash Masters and FinDoms in general, care less than zero about how you feel. They just want to buy something new, wearing a cloak online when needed to pretend to be what you wish they were.
How to recognize an ethical Financial Dominator or Dominatrix
Nowadays is very difficult to find ethical BDSM Practicioners. Our suggestion is: stick away from FinDom, until you have built a very strong and long lasting relationship with your Dominant. Only after that, if that's both of the parts wishes, start introducing Financial Domination.
Why is FinDom considered negatively by experienced BDSM folk?
Because BDSM is based on Safe, Sane and Consensual meaningful and deep activities between consenting partners, where genuine power exchange dynamics are built based on the authenticity of a Dominant's and a submissive's identity. BDSM is about losing the mask, not about wearing it, and it's about culture, honor and responsibility.
Financial Domination, is, nowadays, abuse concealed as fetish.
I am very new to the leather scene, very confused and quite inexperienced, but I am very sure that I despise unethical FinDom!! I believe that is a form of abuse and in the end people will would be traumatized!! I am really happy that am not the only one thats has this opinion!!
Hey, thanks for your comment! Since you’re a newcomer to the scene, the whole Family tells you welcome and we hope you’ll have a great, fulfilling and memorable journey in Leather! Keep in mind that Leather is a very specific lifestyle and “fetish”, but it’s not just random kink. So, don’t expect to find your answers quickly in nowadays scene. Everything is mixed up and almost nobody has a clear idea of what they want to build. Find those ones who walk their talk, be them rubber people, leatherfolk, or whatever other tribe. And if you find a few rotten apples always remember: they are rotten apples. They shouldn’t weight too much in your basket.
Lupus
Several years ago, one of the first relationships I had with a sub/Dom dynamic, involved getting control of my partner’s expenses, as far as telling how much of his money he would spend each week. At one point I held all his credit and debit cards, but never got or asked for pins or could use the cards.
At that time I regarded it more as a favor, something I was doing to him, a form of personal finance consulting, although I was broken.
Yes, he paid for my tickets when we went for a movie, but I convinced him to cook at home instead of dinning out. I still have the CD’s and books he gave me.
But it was a relationship, and exchange of energy, one aspect of a complete relationship.
Dominance without connection, without understand and caring is called, most frequently, abuse. BDSM stands for relationships, which even if paid, requires attention and care for someone who puts itself in a vulnerable position.
The subs paying it should and need to be reached out and explained that a pure finacial relationship in this terms, even in times of social distancing, is a form of abuse, not a sub/Dom relationship.
I definitely agree with you.
Although in our family we don’t endorse Financial Dominiation, it doesn’t mean there is no space for it in people’s fetishes and desires. But one thing is the involvement of financial aspects in a D/s relationship between people how have a bond and a commitment. One other thing is the cheap trash we see online nowadays. Thank you for your comment! 🙂
SIR thank YOU SIR
uncollared slave
Thank You for Your important ideas SirLupus.
Con rispetto SP
Thank you so much Sir Paul 🙂
Strong hugs
Lupus
this slave agrees with Julio and to a vast degree on the article as well. Thing is, when really in that mindset 24/7 you just can`t control things like money etc.any more. You loose that connection with the outside world, at least you ought to. Since the conventional responsible thinking etc.had brought not the fulfillment one deserves inlife, it was essential to start a relationship where the Master takes control over everything; luckily He is responsible and over the course now the slave feels more and more trust and the strong emotion of really letting it go for good. And in case something happens, both of us made sure, the slave won`t be broke or alone. Has nothing to do with exploitation and these criminals mentioned above. You guys here at Old Guard Leathermen are quite responsible and still grounded well – the slave admires that a lot, but has not quite the power you guys have….
Thanks a lot slave but we truly only have the power within our Family, and the support of those who think alike. We stand by the Traditions this Family is founded on, but we don’t want to in any way “enforce” this on the general public. It would be just enough if the general public didn’t decide to appropriate of terms, symbols and meanings that belong to a lifestyle led with Integrity (eg. not playing around with Titles to get money for sneakers), as without Integrity, everything in BDSM is dangerous.
Lupus
Sono d’accordo con Lupus su tutto, l’articolo è molto circostanziato e preciso. Ovviamente come total slave, trovo che la dominazione finanziaria è una pratica da attuare dopo un percorso di dominazione/sottomissione e quando da ambo le parti si è instaurato un vero rapporto di fiducia. Molto più semplice ed immediato è offrire un servizio di Sex Work sia come Master che come slave dove è chiaro il prezzo da pagare e dove il denaro non è solo un mezzo per guadagnare ma soprattutto per lo slave è anche un bisogno ulteriore di sottomissione e di umiliazione.
Great as ever! I couldn’t have said it better! they disgust me! Clearly, as a sub, I am not excluding financial domination, but after building a strong and deep relationship with the other. These findoms just exploit others and are destroying the fetish scene. My repugnance towards them is so deep that I despite them more than those posers from onlyfans.
I worked as a sex worker, so I totally agree with what you said about it and the differences between sex work and financial domination.