FinDom is a BDSM term related to the act of the submissive of giving up control of their finances to their Dominants, who takes care of it, whilst also using them responsibly to tease and deny. Unfortunately, like most other fetishes based on power dynamics, this has been completely stripped from any human intimacy, and it’s nowadays on a spree of what is normalized online abuse.
Why there’s nothing fetishistic about today’s online findom
Fetish isn’t a nest for harmful or self-harming behaviors. In fact, the fetish community has always been a safe space where to explore the boundaries of human intimaticy, sexuality and power exchange. SSC Fetish has been also removed from the DSM as a disorder, because science and research have proven how people taking a healthy journey into the fulfillment of their identity on every level, sexual included, are generally happier, less dangerous than average and more stable people.
It doesn’t take a genius to understand that fetish today, especially online, isn’t based on any of the above. It’s not Safe, Sane and Consensual, because it’s not based on the connection with another individual and the unique intimacy it can create. It’s based on marketing, on likes and retweets, and on engagement farming.
Most of all, fetish today is merely a monetization model. It’s the tough hard truth, but turning our heads the other way isn’t going to help, and it’s being part of the problem. We all know that an enormous majority of any kind of fetish content today isn’t genuine, isn’t real as it used to be, and it’s all a copy of a copy of another copy of a grand contest to see who plays the role better. And for what? For monetization.
Because of this, online findom can’t be considered a fetish. It’s a game of impostors where nowadays there isn’t even a human being on the other side of the screen, but a bot. In the best case scenario, it’s going to be some random guy stealing photos of others, insulting all the submissives online, demanding cash for no reason. The average case scenario is your average gay guy pretending to be straight, pretending to be a Dom, and pretending to feel confident, while collecting money for nothing. The worst case scenario, is when you’re paying a fucking A.I. generating content.
This, is how low we have gotten to.
Reason 1: it’s not based on intimacy and real interaction
To a so called “cash master”, you are not a person. You are not a slave, you are not an object, you are not anything that you dream to be or identify as. You are “user number #” during yet another day of collecting money from strangers. This withdrawal of money is not based on you and him. There’s no you (and there’s actually no him either), there’s no connection. It isn’t real.
You are paying for some random person who looked at the power dynamics between real Dominants and real submissives, and decided to make money off of it, without feeling any sort of emotions, devotion to the lifestyle, nor having any sexual interest over it. It’s just an easy way of making some cash, without having to grow up and work.
You have to realize that the real men you’d like to worship, they work. They have a job. They don’t have time for this, and most of all, they wouldn’t gain any pleasure from this.
Reason 2: Fetish doesn’t work to let your unhealthy behaviors foster
A real dominant doesn’t need to feel “better than you”. Equally, we don’t need to make you feel like a loser, or insult you, unless there is the aforementioned deep connection and interaction with you, and that makes sense in that relationship with you.
These people push all the buttons on your unhealthy behaviors:
- feeling low or none self worth and eroticizing it
- feeling that you are useless and good for nothing
- feeling that you are addicted and you can’t stop
- feeling that you are supposed to do this
- feeling that this is the only way you can exist in a Dom’s eyes
and more.
This has nothing to do with Domination and submission, and it’s a terrible sin that the “community” is normalizing this dynamic; and how sadly obvious is that the normalization of the loss of self worth is such a strong call on how we failed at beating internalized homophobia.
Reason 3: it’s so beyond scam, it’s now done with A.I.
Now that we can see clearly that this mechanism is working even without the presence of a physical person on the “Dom” account, we have scientific proof that your act of paying has nothing to do with Fetish. Has nothing to do with pleasing men. Because it still work, even without a man on the other side.
At this point, it’s not about this Dom’s biased opinion on the scene, and judging badly other Doms by “yucking their yum”. It’s simply not true. This is an extortion mechanism passively-aggressively based on the emotional rip-off of today’s submissives loneliness, feel of unworthiness and lack of value that these “cash masters” have been propelling for years.
And the queer community let them to do that. They have protected these impostors, validating their behavior, and being in fact part of the celebration of this normalized abuse.
Once again, the community is killing itslef
This findom phenomenon is under everyone’s eyes 24/7, every day. Most of us scoff to it, some of us might find them ridicule, and many others instead think “wait a minute, I should be doing this as well!”.
Turning the head on the other side in the name of “it’s none of my business”, is not being a community. That’s cowardry against the people who are supposed to be your community. Not speaking up because of the fear of being attacked by others, isn’t a good reason either not to react. Because then you’re participating with knowledge and willingly, to the ghost of what our beloved community used to be.
The scene today has plenty of energy when it comes to try and cancelling minorities and their authenticity (which is all that fetish life used to be about, up to 20 years ago), but surprisingly low energy when it comes to fight for doing the right thing. And this is just another way we prove that we have lost the war against internalized homophobia. We don’t think at our owns as people who should live a healthy life, or a life based on values and ideals. We don’t fight for that any longer.
And this is exactly how our worst enemies will raise their heads again. We have lost our sense of connection, we have lost our sense of being real to each other, and online we are all alone. Some of us, paying a fake Dom made with A.I., because this is how lonely and isolated we ourselves allowed to get.
SIR, thank YOU for speaking up again about “findom”. I also feel that this really is destroying our community.