Dominant or Submissive

by LeatherBigWolf | Aug 29, 2023 | LGBT Sociology | 0 comments

Written by: LeatherBigWolf

Last updated on 01/12/2026 by LeatherBigWolf

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Are you a Dominant or a submissive? Can we truly be one and only thing? What about those who “switch”? Believe it or not, many men nowadays struggle internally dealing with these questions.

Dominant or Submissive? And, in defining who I am, how I advertise myself to the outer world and my partners, and how I feel about it, am I feeling complete and content? How much role shaming plays a role whiting the gay community?

Today we’re going to talk about it from a psychological, social and direct-experience perspective. I am going to share my experience both as a man who’s been at rates a 100% top and Dom, and a 100% bottom and sub, and as a mental health care provider working with men at THC® Coaching.

Table of Contents

Dominant, submissive, switch. Top, Bottom, Versatile.

Psychologically, there’s an amusing association that happens in most of our minds when we think in terms of the “roles” and their instinctive association with sexual personality traits.

Dom = top.
Sub = bottom.
Switch = versatile.

This is rather typical, especially in parts of the worlds or small communities, were society has progressed more slowly. After all, sexual imagery in our mind comes from a deep rooted background culture; certain associations are unavoidable for those whose brains neural networks in regards to these topic, are wired accordingly to their background culture. I’ve talked a lot about this in my article for Trans-Human Coaching on the top or bottom sexual roles.

This is, after all, how the world worked and our psychology worked for millennia, especially in mainstream western cultures. Bipolarism and Patriarchic settings have been the majority of the social and sexual settings in our cultures.

System Type	Approximate Representation (Ethnographic Samples)	Key Notes
Patrilineal / Patriarchal-leaning	Largest category historically	Patriliny in ~590/1291 societies; often linked with male-dominant structures. (PMC)
Matrilineal / Female-biased kinship	Minority (~160/1291 or ~17% in some analyses)	Not necessarily full matriarchy. (PMC)
Bilateral / Egalitarian / Other	Substantial remainder	Includes bilateral, duolateral, ambilineal, and mixed systems. (PMC)

This translates in a mainstream culture that thinks in terms of:

Male / Female
Penetrating / Receiving
Male = in charge / Female = obedient
you get the gist.

Is being a Dominant better than being a submissive?

Well to answer this question we need to again switch back to the bipolar setting and the social context in which it has developed. Is it better to be a top than a bottom? Of course, the answer is no. There’s nothing “better” in being a Dominant or being a submissive. The best thing you can be is being yourself, and the best thing you can do is loving yourself.

Yet, most gay men, up to 10 years ago, would have said that being a top was acceptable, or respectable, while being a bottom was something to hide, and ultimately to feel badly about.

It might be challenging for new generations to understand or imagine this, but just to some degree. Why did this happen, and why does it still drag on today?

Very frequently, it’s a matter of perceived power, shame, fear of being seen as “less of a man”, less manly, less strong, less worth of pride, and so on.

It’s amazing how in 2026 this is still true for so many men who impersonate and live out a Dominant identity, and a top sexual role, while secretly when they jerk off, or meet anonimously, they love being the bottom.

It’s also amazing how in the last 10 years this dynamic has eased out with newer generations, which found entirely different ways to channel the same internalized homophobia, the same shame policy, and the same bipolar concept (think about the crazy phenomenon of FinDom, as an example). While this is true, as professionals who observe our society, we’ve also seen a steep increase in the number of young men who hide their identity on gay dating apps, who are extremely concerned about their sexuality to be associated with their “persona” and so on.

Different times, similar fears.

Obviously, being Dominant isn’t better than anything, as much as being submissive isn’t better than anything. It’s only a matter of the hidden symbology we attribute to these sexual personality traits, and what we do with it in our minds.

Old Guard Leather and being “a Switch”

Many wonder if for Old Guard Leather, the fact of “switching” polarity sexually is considered non canon, so to say, or negative in any way.

The truth is that while Old Guard culture is highly regulated by a strongly bipolar logic based on hierarchy and coherence, we have some of the wildest sex nights you could imagine. It all depends on the rules and balances and unique personalities inside of each household.

In other words: also for Old Guard folk, sexually you should do what makes you happy.

What is different, is the identity. Switching identity back and forward between Dom and sub and can be seen in a negative way, and not truly for a matter of lack of coherence, but for the matter of the resulting turbulance in the hierarchical balances of a group.

You can see this is true in many ways trough the other aspects of this culture:

Every man is expected to go trough a period of Mentoring where he will learn to experience submission. So, it’s part of the design.
It’s perfectly ok for a Master to feel his life changed, he changed, and to decide to “abdicate” from his role, to enjoy a life of servitude. Or to stop being a Master, or whatever he decides.
It’s perfectly ok for a slave wanting to take the training to become a Dom. If he has changed so deeply, what would be the point in not respecting that choice?

What is not ok, is to betray certain bonds, and to constantly “play” with terms that should be kept for more serious and deep connections (such as Master, Owner and slave, property) where one could simply say “I like to Dom/sub in my sex life”.

FAQs

What is the difference between being Dominant/Submissive and being Top/Bottom?

Although they are often conflated, Dominant/Submissive describes a power dynamic, while Top/Bottom refers to a sexual position or preference. The association between dominance and penetration is largely cultural, not psychological or biological. Many men experience dominance while being receptive, or submission while penetrating. Confusing these dimensions often reinforces shame and rigid identity labels rather than authentic self-expression.

Can someone be both Dominant and Submissive, or does that mean they are “confused”?

Being a switch does not indicate confusion. It often reflects psychological flexibility, emotional range, and situational attunement. Many men discover that their dominant or submissive expression changes depending on trust, context, partner dynamics, or life stage. The idea that one must choose a single, fixed role is more a product of social conditioning than of mental health or erotic development.

Why is being submissive still associated with shame among gay men?

Submissive roles are historically entangled with patriarchal and binary gender models, where receptivity has been coded as weakness or inferiority. For many gay men, this cultural residue translates into fear of being seen as “less masculine” or “less worthy.” Even today, internalized homophobia and power symbolism continue to shape how men relate to submission—often privately embracing it while publicly rejecting it.

Is being Dominant considered “better” or more respected in gay culture?

No role is inherently superior. However, dominance has often been socially rewarded because it aligns with traditional ideals of control, strength, and masculinity. This perceived hierarchy is cultural, not psychological. Well-being and fulfillment are far more strongly correlated with self-acceptance and coherence, rather than with occupying a socially “valued” sexual role.

How does Old Guard Leather culture view switching roles?

Old Guard Leather culture places strong emphasis on identity coherence and hierarchical stability, not on restricting sexual expression. Sexual versatility is common and accepted, but frequent switching of identity labels (such as Master, slave, Owner) can be destabilizing within structured households. The distinction lies between sexual behavior and relational identity, which carry very different social and emotional weights.

How can men explore Dominance or submission without reinforcing shame or stereotypes?

The key is separating symbolism from self-worth. Exploring dominance or submission becomes healthier when it is approached as a consensual expression of desire, not as proof of masculinity, value, or identity status. Open communication, psychological self-reflection, and abandoning rigid binaries allow men to experience these dynamics as enriching rather than limiting.

Written by: LeatherBigWolf

LeatherBigWolf, 1989. Introduced to the Leather Lifestyle and Sexuality by its husband in 2008, has immediately recognized the deeper connection to what was called the Old Guard Leather Culture and Lifestyle. Since then it became his only way of engaging with Men and Manhood, trying to inspire and educate as many as possible by sharing his own lifestyle, adventures and thoughts on this website. Founder and Creative Director of Old Guard Leathermen.