The normalization of bareback anal sex might seem “normal” to people nowadays, but safer sex has been something our community has been working very hard for since I have memory. I think it’s safe to say that in any single piece of “content” – because people now don’t have sex, they “make content” – you can find online, spotting a condom has become something as rare as spotting a four leaf clover in a field of daisies.
I think this is a truly important topic to touch. On this website, we are known to be underdogs on many topics. Be it chemsex, or any other means of mixing the beauty of sexuality with self-destructive behaviors, we speak about it, and confront the topic. So, here is what the problem is in normalizing bareback sex.
Reader Discretion Advised
This article has nothing to do with HIV or the goodness of PreP. Our boys are positive, Lupus’s mentor was positive, many friends and subs and brothers of ours are positive and we are not only completely supportive of same rights and treatment for poz people, but we do not see them as “Positive”. We see them as Nicolas, Dirk, Mick, Marco, Michael and so on. This article is not on HIV, but on self-destructive behaviors that are normalized in our community, which are stealing the romanticism and the power of sex from our youngest community members.
The state of the art of gay bareback sex
As of today, and with the arrival of PreP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) even more than ever, giving bareback for granted and “the only way to go” seem to have become the standard for the vaste majority of gay men. It’s almost as if with the arrival of this drug almost fifteen years ago, just because we are more protected from HIV, we are all of a sudden lifted from the basic responsibilities when having sexual encounters, especially when we have a very active sex life.
Now, I use the them “we” very broadly here, as here in this family we’ve never behaved this way. But I believe that the reader can related to what I’m writing.
It’s almost as if all of a sudden, whereas in the United States bareback culture seems to be way more established also “thanks” to porn studios who made completely random barebacking a brand, also in Europe and other parts of the world gay people felt like if a green light was shining through, and together with barebacking, all sorts of other potentially dangerous activities have become less serious, more manageable, and if anything, cool to engage with and show off.
In fact, in the glbtqi community nowadays seems normal to insult and persecute people who want to use condoms.
We have nothing against barebacking per se, and of course we do bareback in the family. What we are not very fond of and what we’re actually scared about, is completely random barebacking and how younger generations are not encouraged to take responsibilities of any kind anymore.
A barebacking that is done without heart, without meaning, and without purpose. Just out of lack or rules, lack of control and lack of discipline, to “produce content”. Indeed, if barebacking was part of a specific fetish (such as cum pigs who really get off from the anonymity of specific actions), we would have nothing to say about it. We get concerned when there’s no authenticity nor identity in that sexual activity. Just a complete lack of structure and presence.
PreP and the surge of bacteria related epidemics
So of course we do recognize the value of PreP, and the importance of its arrival on the market. PreP has made HIV less aggressive in its spreading in certain communities (as PreP is not available everywhere in the same way), but it has also busted open the gates to the spread of all of those other STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) which can’t be tamed with PreP.
I’m talking about Syphilis, Ghonorrea, Chlamydia, Hepatitis A, B and C, Citomegalovirus, Papilloma Virus, and many, many others.
What’s worse, is that in general culture we come from this (very) wrong assumption, where HIV = dangerous death sentence, and all the other pathogens listed above = meh, it’s ok, I’ll take a pill and it’s gone. This is a very wrong, very ignorant, and very shallow way of thinking; and yet, I’m sure the reader can think for 10 seconds and recall a least a handful of friends and acquaintances who think alike.
So this, jointed with the also very wrong and immature trend of self-medication (Typical set of actions: I got ghonorrea, so I won’t go to the medic because I used that antibiotic 10 years ago and it worked. I won’t inform my partners, I’ll take a few pills, symptoms are in a few days gone, so I’ll get back to fucking), has brought to a very concerning new landscape:
The surge of bacteria related epidemics with the spread use of prep. Infections, which are becoming antibiotic-resistant. That’s right, now we have plenty of strains of Ghonorrea, Syphilis and Chlamydia which are not responding to treatment, due to the mutations occurred with the poor, arbitrary use of large spectrum antibiotic without following a correct treatment scheme, and without making a control analysis before getting back to action.
Bacteria and viruses mutate and adapt when not treated with the right medication, and we end up with guess what? Untreatable infections. This not only means very fast spreading, but it also means very long in-body proliferation of these micro organisms, which on the long run are going to ruin your health, affect your internal organs, and possibly kill you as well.
The Condom stigma in the gay community
As usual, when people (specifically gay people for the purpose of this blog) are acting out of line, without integrity, when deep down they know they are behaving recklessly and they see somebody else who is doing his best to stay safe and generally being able to have the strength of not slipping down the slippery slope, what do they do? They shame you.
Modern gay community (especially queer community) has become the great Master at shaming and blaming everybody who don’t think and behave like them, especially when this difference reflects the communities and individuals lack of values, integrity, strength and honesty.
So the result of this trend, is that there is a real condom stigma in the gay community, like if based on the fact you’re using a condom, you’re actually sick with something disgusting, or that you’re not worth their time, you’re not “a good fuck” and so on. I believe this is a strong sign of internalized homophobia.
We all agree that having Bareback sex is a way more intense feeling than using a gummy. But are we sure this is really it? Is this really the reason for this widely spread behavior? And are we really sure that something as special as fucking without a glove, when you do it with everyone, is still special, is still better and is still worth it?
The Romantic aspects of bareback sex
I’ll tell you the way I see it, the way I fuck an ass (or a pussy) and what it means to me, but this doesn’t just apply to my personal taste and sensibility. I know many many men who think and feel like this, and I know deep down you have the same feeling.
Again, let’s put to the side for a second the cum junkies; that’s a fetish, and I won’t comment or condemn any fetish ever (although you should still find a way for it not to get in the way with your health and everyday life, but this is another chapter).
When it comes to anal sex, when it comes to penetration, it means I’m getting inside of you. I don’t know what you think, but I don’t want to get inside of everybody in the world. I might enjoy the Domination of fucking a sub or a man, but that doesn’t mean I want to plant my DNA and inseminate his guts.
That’s something I take seriously, and that’s why its powerful. If I decide to have a biological exchange on a cellular level with you, it means that first you have understood who I am, you have understood my kind of energy, and you want it to merge with yours; you want to embody it, you want to carry my seed in you. Same is for me. Once I decide to fuck you bare, it’s not just using your ass to get off, it’s not about pleasure. It’s about love making. It’s about breeding.
I don’t want to devalue this incredibly beautiful and powerful magic that two men (or a man and a woman) can share. This is some pretty serious and special stuff, and if you start giving it for granted, like everything special… well it loses its power, it’s not special anymore, and it leaves you empty and sad.
This is very wise Sir. I think the bareback question is a very good thing to discuss. I myself have found myself caught up in the bareback phenomena as PrEP became available just as I was allowing myself to explore my pussyboy personality. While I am in my late 40s I did grow up during the HIV epidemic and for me sex itself was high risk associated and a potential death sentence. This had a big impact on my thinking and relationships. When PrEP came out suddenly sex was not so dangerous anymore and I found myself finally developing a better relationship with it. My Master/Partner have an open relationship and with PrEP we allowed raw sex to be part of it as we felt at the time that most other STIs were treatable. The truth is in reality there are all sorts of complications getting STIs, and as you said i feel people are now so blase about it that I am finding I am picking up things more and more. A few passed I have also my Master/partner. Though we anticipated it, ultimately they all cause little issues and i think in the long run affect your relationships. The problem is going back to condom sex will be a hard one to do. The alternative is to control whom you have sex with, and given how unreliable and flakey the community has become, perhaps this is a good strategy. I like this idea of developing strong ties with a smaller group of Men that can be trusted and where the exchange of DNA is valued as you discuss. Thank you for this thoughtful piece Sir.
Thank you for your point of view and contribution boy. I do believe that in most of cases, this all should tie back down to “who am I having sex with? Do I want this specific man’s seed in me?”.
People tend not to even consider the person, as long as they envision them as living carriers of a penis. Instead, all men have penises, there’s nothing special per se with that; what’s special is the man. But then, if one just wants to worship phallus per se, then it’s a different fetish. As said in the article though, I believe 90% of the barebackers out there are not doing it out of a conscious choice about Phallus worship in an intense and spiritual way; it’s just lack of integrity, control and thought Imho.
Thank you for your reply Sir. I shall think on this. I like this line of thought about conscious choices, and that these forms of worship are also valid choices too.
Buonasera, ho trovato “misterioso” questo articolo. Quanto Lei ha scritto io lo pensavo e applicavo prima di leggerLa e Le dirò, non può che trovarmi pienamente d’ accordo. I tempi sono molto difficili e prendere queste posizioni, questi credi significa andare contro non solo alla società ma anche a qualcosa di peggio ( l’ isolamento completo), la sofferenza è tanta e io l’ ho sperimentata e la sperimento ancora.
Sir, Thank You for this thoughtful and thought provoking treatise.
It is refreshing, to be reminded of the importance of a positive sprititual intimacy and relating it to the exchange of a mans ejaculate; the beauty and importance and responsibility of this connection.
Rocco