A letter written by “slave bo”
The Man makes the Leather. No the other way around.
“There are masters who think they only need to shout a little loudly and the slave would accept such a performance as authority. And again there are other masters who throw themselves in black leather and high boots and still remain more fag or cunt than I ever was and never will be. Probably they don’t know it, but…“The man” does the leather – not the other way around!
I had masters, they made a secret of everything – even their name. Then again, I had masters, they lashed out quite far and powerfully with the whip, only to cushion the blow at the last moment and thus reduce the force of the blow – it would have probably hurt them more as “masters” than me if they had hit me ….. me who after all wanted to be their slave and would have liked to receive the pain in gratitude and humility.
I had Masters in Berlin and in Hesse, I licked boots in Munich and had myself whipped in the USA. I was pissed on and humiliated and my pussies were fucked, stuffed and…raped!
But all Masters, as they did not all come – they had unfortunately all one thing in common – in my eyes they were no Masters! Because I had to realize that all their doing, all their pompous behaviour, their black leather rags and heavy boots …. all of that failed to make real masters out of them. For their goings-on were but games! It was just a pose, a farce – without consistency, without permanence!
For none of them was able to subdue me! No one has been able to break me, for none – not even ONE of them – has been able to conquer MY HEART for himself. And this for a very simple reason – because NO ONE OF THEM EVER WANTED TO! They all thought only about the ONE….., the pressure in their cock and about this … to cum as fast as possible!! But that’s something they ALL WANTED! (see Master Lupus’ response to this sentence)
And myself…??? I myself have always asked myself: “Where do they come from – my ideas of submission, my dreams of total commitment, all my desires and also all the inner feelings that are not somehow lived and felt – just like that …, from one moment to the next?
Where does this slave’s longing come from?
They come from myself…from the depths of my soul!
How can it be that a man who stands with both feet in daily life – as I claim to be – wants to put himself into other hands in such a way that he will be determined? I’ve had years of time to think about why I’m so, the way I am…why I’m predisposed to SM!
Why do you think I give myself to my dominator, surrender my body to him and his violence – and that in the true sense of the word? Why do I deny myself, why do I throw myself into the dust with his boots and make myself small? Why do I forget myself and sacrifice my personality to serve him, so that he feels joy and pleasure through me, because he gains his satisfaction by humiliating me …, degrading me …, beating me … or even abusing me or raping me? (see Master Lupus’ response to this sentence)
Even though it may hurt me, I may often feel shame and disgust for myself because I humiliate myself and let myself be humiliated by him – YES, I DO IT ANYWAY!
Okay…..but WHY am I doing this?! Well, the answer may sound as amazing as it is simple. And yet it took me years to figure it out!
The reason for this is my irrepressible desire for… LOVE!
To be loved as this gay slave
TO BE LOVED – that’s what I put up with all this for!
All the pain, all the humiliation and degradation may not be what I was striving for in the very first moment – admittedly! (see Master Lupus’ response to this sentence)
But what enriches me, what makes me happy……these are the moments that follow AFTER. Those moments when I have to crawl in front of him because I have to thank him…….lick his boots and kiss his hands for all the humiliation he gave me. Yes, I have to thank him for all these moments, because they are moments of happiness! But for myself even more, they are moments of happiness, because afterwards he takes me in his arms, …….consoles me, caresses and fondles me. Those moments, when his lips with their tender touches surround my face, my tortured and aching body and he makes me understand in this way: “I love you! – You “re mine – I need you and I want you! – You are my slave, my property, you belong to me! – Stay with me! – I WANT YOU and yes, I HIT YOU … also and just for this very reason … BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!
It is around these moments of happiness, around this feeling of being “loved” that I give myself up and surrender myself to his power. Because I also know – with him I am safe! Yes…, he hits me and causes me pain – physical as well as mental! I don’t need that…but with him I feel safe, because he will defend me outwardly. No one may stretch out his hand to me with impunity – unless he wishes it – because he will protect me!
This feeling of security…, this feeling of being safe and secure – only THIS feeling causes me to place myself in the hands of a (my) man , so that he can decide over me.
Certainly, a person is not infallible and can also make wrong decisions. But a man with a sense of responsibility will do nothing to harm me. On the contrary – he will always involve me in decisions of significant importance. Yes, I even go further – he will give up his position of the determining factor and take over the role of the advisor and helper – because he loves me and does not want to harm me in any way. In the end, he will leave it up to me what decision I will make for myself and he will stand by me – in good days as well as in bad.
This may sound rather messed up, abstruse and irrational, and I wouldn’t blame anybody for this opinion. Because he would be right – especially at this time. Today everybody thinks only about himself! And those “noble knights” I rave about – they may be few and far between today. But I don’t want to part with the illusion that they still exist. You just have to find them! And as long as I can NOT have the impression that an applicant can at least come close to my ideal – I will reject him!
Looking for something more than what the mainstream kink scene offers
And yet – they exist! The masters who deserve to be called Masters. Masters to whom I would submit…to which I could devote myself with skin and hair, body and soul! Men – real men! Yes, they really do exist – I only need to let the text of their profiles take effect on me and I can feel it crawling inside me…….this desire to surrender myself to HIM, to lose under his heavy boot my dignity, my pride, my self-respect and finally also my own self – just for belonging to HIM, solely to HIM and again and again and again solely to HIM! To be forever and ever HIS – without doubt, without questions, full of joy, without fear, without regret and without remorse.
Yes, they exist and I love it when I read their profiles. Few, only very, very few are outside there…….but yes, yes……they exist! Only much too far away from me they live…….in Hamburg or Berlin, in Zurich or Los Angeles – just not here, here with me! Where are they – all these Leathermen?!
But I’d rather have no man at all than the wrong man! And at the moment I have none at all – admittedly! But I’m just not young enough to compromise anymore. I want to arrive – and if possible with the right man, even if I am only small and anything but muscular and also not as attractive as for example George Clooney – who, by the way is also only a human being!!!
But by now there hasn’t been a ribbon wrapped around my neck for a long time, neither leather nor steel. Rather, it is the abundance of years that has put me on a leash and that I now (or perhaps rather – they me?) have on my neck. Well, I’m not really old yet – but I’m not really young anymore either.
And more and more often I have to think of the words that a MASTER from Switzerland gave me:
“The desire for S&M is fading, but the love for the partner – it stays!”
Actually I don’t know why I wrote all this down. But lately I have to think more and more often about that sentence of the Swiss.
So it’s probably love that I miss.
Master Lupus’ answer
first of all do understand that we as the whole Leatherfamily truly appreciate these kind of open submissions of thoughts and feelings; it’s very important to bring back the fetish and Leather culture back to being authentic and truly living a lifestyle, rather than just acting like some preformatted look for a social media page. I do understand where you’re coming from and there are 2 things I want to say about your letter. The first one is an encouragement, the second one is a correction.
The Encouragement: Yes, the kind of Leathermen you’re seeking still exist, and actually since the launch of the project HMG we are growing as a larger group; there will be the time to meet and finally spending time between Brothers, and who knows, you might find your Master there in Circvlvs Ignis; Yes, I do understand where you’re coming from when you say there are no real men (which of course doesn’t refer to sterile masculinity, but to behaviour and commitment, honor and pride, integrity and care..); but it’s just because Social Media and Internet give a lot of light and space to those who just want to play with easy and quick interactions; this is how algorythm works. They are based on engagement, and serious stuff is way less engaging, online, than quick cute things.
This, gives the illusion that the whole world is turned into a kindergarten. The truth is, that those men you are looking for still exists, but we meet offline, not online. We talk via the telephone or skype, not by making online fights on social media and such. So don’t worry, we do exist, but we also need help in spreading the knwoledge that we do exist, while some insecure new guard people keep doing their best to tell the world that we don’t exist, nor we ever did.
This is their attempt to normalize everything and bring it to the reachable, easy level of their content and aspirations; truth is, there is space for everybody in this world, but our Community is being threatened by misinformation. Stay strong, and do your part to inform and educate.
The Correction: Words, and concepts, like “abuse”, “rape”, “humiliation”, they don’t belong to a real Master like the one you’re seeking. There is no need to force Domination on subs, since true submission is a gift freely given. At the same time, although I understand your defenses are up because of so many predators and impostors out there, there is nothing more offputting of a slave acting with entitlement. And that’s not because as a slave you should have less freedom to decide who to serve, but because a slave is the most solemn figure in servitude, together with the Master, and proper Protocol and Etiquette should always be maintained, also in pain, also in sorrow, also in disappointment. For the insult to your feelings that was created by weak, feeble men, shouldn’t get dirt on our Codes and Structures, nor on your Form and Protocol as the good slave I’m sure you are.
Therefor: strip away the concepts of rape, abuse and humiliation from the idea of the BDSM Relationship you’re after, otherwise you’ll keep find abusers and impostors. Also, you don’t need to show the world how strong and determined you are by underlining that you won’t submit to fake masters. Show how strong and commited you are by being extremely polite, educated, Protocolled and focused on who you are even when you want to dismiss a fake or a weekend warrior. They will get angry and insult you, as this is the new “cool gay thing”, but you’ll be able to smile and feel light hearted, as you did nothing wrong, and you kept your integrity and form spotless.
Stay strong slave, and I wish you’ll find all that you’re looking for